The Science of Step 9 AA: How Making Amends Can Help

Thông tin chi tiết

I am not proud of that, but it is the reality of how I used to behave. I also made countless promises to her that I did not keep. It ranged from promising to fix something around the house to going to a family gathering. With all those articles (that you should go back and check out if you haven’t read them), it would be easy to assume we have said all there is to say. But if you are dealing with guilt and grief, you probably aren’t surprised that there is more to say. Somehow in all this guilt writing, we have never talked about making amends with someone who died.

Working Step 9 is challenging and you’ll likely need support and assistance as you work through it. At Eudaimonia Recovery Homes, we provide personalized recovery support with comfortable sober living Austin, Houston, and Colorado Springs. One of the best ways you can make long-lasting changes to your relationships is by being true to your word. Essentially, don’t make promises that you can’t keep and do everything you can to live up to the promises you do make. The unfortunate truth is that we’re all human and we all fall short sometimes. However, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed at your new, honest and sober lifestyle.

What Does it Mean to Make Amends?

Sometimes other people need more time to accept an apology. When appropriate, remind others that you are here if they change their mind or wish to talk. Your efforts to make amends may not always go as well as you hope. Try not to respond with anger or defensiveness if others aren’t responsive to your efforts.

The guilt may have been real, but the apology didn’t come with lasting change. Once you enter into sobriety, there isn’t a set timeline for working Steps 8 and 9, so you living amends might want to ask your sponsor and recovery support network for their insights about whether you’re ready. In Twelve Step recovery, your pace is your own to determine.

Evidence-Based Addiction Treatments and Step 9 AA

Those in recovery are encouraged to make direct amends whenever possible. A 12-step program is designed to encourage long-term sobriety, by fostering a spirituality for recovery. Each step signifies a new challenge to reflect and/or act in a way that changes old mindsets and behaviors that once fed addiction. Through mutual support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, members learn and practice these spiritual steps and principles, with a view to staying sober and helping others do the same.

• While this step involves a direct exchange with another person, its goal has everything to do with healing and addiction recovery on the part of the person making the amends.
• An apology doesn’t include an action that attempts to make up or compensate for that wrongdoing.
• How you start these conversations depends on your relationship with the person you harmed and the circumstances in which you plan to make direct amends.
• But what happens when the person you need to make amends with dies before you’re able to apologize and change your ways?

The spiritual purpose of making amends is to find inner peace, freedom, release, and rebirth. While this step involves a direct exchange with another person, its goal has everything to do with healing and addiction recovery https://ecosoberhouse.com/ on the part of the person making the amends. In addiction, our actions and intentions aren’t aligned. For example, we might intend to go to a friend’s birthday party, but in actuality, we fail to show up for the event.

Programs and results

After all, I hadn’t hurt anyone (Step 8), so I didn’t need to make any amends (Step 9). In fact, every day I make a living amends to my husband, son, Mom, and brother Ricky. It can be tempting to say things like “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you,” but try to avoid these blanket statements. They miss the opportunity to be truly reflective about how your wrongdoings have impacted the other person and can be misread.